


ready, aim, fire

by inkk



Series: alphabet AU challenge [21]
Category: Bandom, Bring Me The Horizon, You Me At Six
Genre: Anal Sex, Blowjobs, Daddy Kink, Hair-pulling, Kinda, M/M, PWP, Phone Sex, Spies & Secret Agents, Stranger Sex, Threesome - M/M/M, genius!oli, ok it's more of a quasi-threesome, these tags make me cringe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-16
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-22 14:05:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8288420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkk/pseuds/inkk
Summary: U is for Undercover.(In which Dan and Josh are on a boring assignment and decide to have some fun.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> this is just a big, fat steaming pile of smut, so I hope y'all enjoy ;)

+

 

"You seriously need to stop humming the _Mission: Impossible_ theme in my ear, love. It's distracting me."

"Sorry," Josh sheepishly apologizes through Dan's earpiece, followed by a listless sigh. "I'm bored as fuck. What's a guy have to do around here to get some drugged-up tigers involved?"

"That was _one time_ ," Dan somewhat snippily fires back, "and for the record, you weren't the one who actually had to deal with fighting five of them off all at once."

Josh simply sighs. "Whatever. I was talking to you at the time, so it totally counts. And this surveillance shit is still officially the worst thing ever," he grumbles. "Oh, wait - Ooh! Crab cakes coming up on your three o'clock!"

Dan patiently and discreetly rolls his eyes, knowing full well that Josh has a clear view of his every movement through the dozens of tiny, high-tech cameras strategically scattered throughout the dance hall. He can practically feel the way Josh's eyes narrow when he indignantly says "I saw that, you massive buffoon."

"I meant for you to, dickhead," Dan smoothly replies. "Still got an eye on Mrs. Samson?"

"Seven o'clock, maybe ten feet away," comes Josh's immediate response. "The old bag's _still_ busy talking with the host, for fuck's sakes. I don't know how much more schmoozing I can listen to before my brains fall out my ears."

A barely-imperceptible smile twitches in the corner of Dan's mouth. "Hopefully you can hang on for at least fifteen more minutes of it, seeing as I'm just about to pop over and say hi to her husband. I feel too conspicuous over here by myself."

Josh groans heavily in his ear. "Fuck, Da-- Flint. Conspicuous my ass! Just grab a crab cake and go make friends with the bartender, or whatever. Or, oh," he trails off with a soft curse, "Oh, wow. Okay. Screw the husband, you need to hurry up and go talk to their son."

"Tom?" Dan frowns slightly, "He's here? I thought he was scheduled to be at a polo game tonight."

"No, no, the _other_ son. The adopted one." Fainter, he mutters, "The incredibly _hot_ one."

Dan gives a little sigh. "His name is Oliver. He's twenty three, single and currently in law school," he recites. "And for the last time, Josh, I'm not just a mouthpiece to talk to attractive men," he mutters. "We're actually still on an assignment, if you hadn't noticed."

"But everything's going so perfectly," Josh whines, "Barnes and Heyler both have an eye on Mrs. Samson already, so you're free to at least go be inconspicuous in the presence of someone ridiculously attractive," he wheedles. "Your shift is over in two minutes and eighteen seconds anyways. C'mon, _please_?"

Dan exhales, standing up and carefully looking around. He catches Max's eye across the room and rubs the tip of his nose, to which the latter fiddles with his top button. "Fine. Alright, where is he?"

Josh cheers a little. "He's on your four o'clock, over by the wall. Drinking at a table by himself."  
"Oh, that's just wonderful," Dan grumpily mutters, stepping away from the table. "Definitely doesn't make me feel like an annoying creep at _all._ I'm going to stop replying now, by the way."

"'Kay," Josh replies. There's a stretch in which faint, rapid typing can be heard. "I'm looking through his file now, and let me just say _wow_ ," Josh continues, "Never mind your sexual services, I'm going to be happy just jerking off to this guy for the next fucking decade."

Dan keeps a completely neutral expression as he approaches Oliver. "Mind if I sit?" he asks in the best low, silky tone he has to offer.

The rather svelte man looks up, giving him a blatant once-over. "By all means," he eventually concedes. "Got a name?" he asks, once Dan has pulled out a chair beside him.

"Ryan Andrews," Dan smoothly introduces himself, extending a hand. "And yourself?"

Oliver takes his hand and gives a firm shake. "Oliver Sykes. I prefer Oli, though." He's slim, with big brown doe eyes and rebelliously shaggy hair. His attire is simple; grey dress pants and matching jacket left abandoned on the next chair over, leaving him a white dress shirt that does nothing to conceal his tattoos underneath.

Dan shoots him a patented seductive smile known to drop panties at fifty yards. "Nice to meet you, Oli."

"Don't you think you might be coming on a little strong?" Josh anxiously inputs. "I mean, there's nothing in his file that remotely suggests he's even into men--"

"Likewise," Oliver replies. "This party is dull as fuck, innit?"

Dan laughs. "I suppose. I've had quite a bit of practice at these sorts of things, though." At Oli's raised eyebrow, he adds "I'm in the police force, but we get used as private security all the time."

"Wait, police?" Josh splutters in his earpiece, "Dan, that's too close to the truth! You're supposed to be a personal fitness coach!"

"Police, huh?" Oli smirks. "Does that make you... _Officer_ Andrews?"

"Oh, fuck," Josh practically moans. "Oh, fuck me. Dan, quick! Say something!"

"I suppose maybe it does, yes," Dan carefully responds. "What about yourself, then? What do you do?"

Oli shakes his head. "Just fucking law school. It's bullshit - honestly, I'm only there 'cause it looks good for the rest of the family."

"Huh." Dan plays with the edge of a napkin. "Well, it says something that you're smart enough to get in," he finally remarks.

"Guess so," Oli says with a flat shrug. "Not to brag, but I'm one-forty. It's basically child's play."

"Dan," Josh warns with gritted teeth through his earpiece, "Dan, just pretend you don't know what he's talking ab--"

"I'm one-forty-five," Dan replies, ignoring Josh's outraged squawk.

"You complete idiot! What kind of police officer has an IQ of a hundred and forty-five!?" Josh yells. "He's going to know something is up, he knows--"

Beside Dan, Oliver simply cocks his head. "That's quite unusual."

"Guess so," Dan says, adding a flat shrug to mimic Oli's. He earns a grin and a chuckle in return.

"God, I'm bored," Oli continues after a second. "If my parents send me one more disapproving look, I think I'm going to have to slit my throat with one of these fancy steak knives."

"That'd be a shame," Dan replies. Just then, his fake civvy phone buzzes from inside his pocket. He knows without checking that it's a text message from Max, letting him know that he and Josh are finally allowed to go home; instead of leaving, though, Dan just smirks a little bit. "Want to go do something a little more... interesting?" he casually inquires.

It's the right move. Oli grins, eyes lighting up with a coy spark - "If you're thinking about the same thing I am, then god, yes. Lead the way, Romeo."

"It's working," Josh breathes in his ear as they rise from the table. "Oh my god, it's actually working. Okay. You're going to want to go through the main doors at the right of the hall, and then turn left and keep going until you find a staircase to your left," he directs. "There's an unoccupied ladies' bathroom at the top, last door on the left side. It's a single."

Dan allows Oli to slip past him, then follows close with a hand on the small of his back. _Maybe memorizing the floor plan turned out to be a useful move, after all._

They're just reaching the top of the stairs when Oli turns around and grabs Dan by the wrist, crowding him up against the wall. "Tell me - you're not really with the police, are you?" he asks, their faces so close Dan can feel his breath. He smells like fancy cologne and maybe a hint of expensive alcohol. In his ear, Josh goes deathly silent.

"No, actually, I'm not," Dan grins, unperturbed. "But then again, you're hardly one-forty, are you?"

"Closer to one-sixty," Oli rolls his eyes, slackening his grip and shifting back a bit. "But I could say the same." He narrows his eyes. "So who're you with, then? MI5? MI6?"

"Can't tell you," Dan shakes his head. "I was just here tonight to keep an eye on your mum, though. Nothing big."

"Was?" Oli narrows his eyes. "So you're off-duty now, right?"

"Right," Dan replies with a grin.  
"So does that make it okay if I...?"

Oli trails off as he determinedly steps forward again. Suddenly, their lips are crashing together, Josh providing a steady monologue of soft swearing from the other end of Dan's earpiece.

Technically, maybe it's not exactly the most moral thing to ever happen... but it's not like it's a direct violation of protocol, either. Dan's known plenty of guys who have ended up in bed with their _targets_ and not gotten caught, so he figures it's due time he and Josh had some of the well-deserved fun.

"You're so fucking ripped, y'know that?" Oli growls into his ear, smoothing a hand down Dan's chest and mouthing at his jaw. "I'd let you fuck me into the mattress so hard I couldn't walk for a fucking week."

It's cliché, but Dan's pants seem to shrink two sizes all the same. Josh groans and cussed so vehemently it's a miracle Oli doesn't hear it. Which--

"Wait, wait, stop--" Dan gasps, "Oli, wait just a sec."

Oli pulls away with an exasperated growl. "What?" he demands.

"I've, um. I've got an earpiece in," Dan waves a hand.

Oli frowns and rolls his eyes yet again. "So?"

"So, my boyfriend-slash-techie is on the other end of the line," Dan slowly extrapolates. "He can hear all of this. And see us."

"So?" Oli repeats, as if talking to a seven-year old. "I'm down if you guys are." He examines Dan's face. "That's hot as fuck, mate."

Dan's head thunks back against the marble wall with a groan. "Josh?" he asks aloud, pointing to his left ear so Oli can see who he's talking to.

"Oh, _fuck_ yes," comes Josh's vehement response. "No pressure, but if you don't say yes I'm going to fucking _murder_ you."

Dan just nods once and Oli surges forward to reconnect their lips, pressing him up against the wall with a hand on each bicep. 

"Fucking _ripped_ ," he repeats between heated kisses, "Want to suck your dick until you can't see straight."

Josh makes a noise similar to that of a dying animal in his ear. "You should really hurry up and get to that bathroom," he advises, ever the sensible one.

"Fuck, yes, good idea," Dan agrees. "Bathroom. Now." He shoves away from the wall, practically dragging Oli over by the arm and pushing him inside.

"Little handsy, aren't we?" Oli smirks.

"Enjoying it, aren't we?" Dan smoothly replies as he twists the lock on the door before crowding Oli up against the sink.

"Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?" the latter snarks back.

Dan huffs a laugh. "Both. Shut up and kiss me."

"So commanding, _Officer_ ," Oli mock-chastises him before leaning in for another heated kiss.

Josh full-on moans. "Jesus fucking Christ," he chokes out, "This guy is straight out of a bad porno."

Dan grins against Oli's lips. "I think my techie has an authority kink," he muses.

He can almost feel Josh's flushed cheeks. "I heard that! And I do not!"

Oli pulls back a little to shoot Dan a smirk. "Does he really?"

"Definitely," Dan nods. "Full-on daddy kink."

Josh makes a strangled noise. "I'm going to-- ah, hit you so fucking hard when you get home," he vows.

Oli just grins. "Daddy it is," he says, voice practically dropping an octave as his slender fingers begin working over the buttons of Dan's suit jacket. He quickly shrugs it off and tosses it aside before starting on the vest. When Dan moves to pull it off, Oli grabs his wrist to stop him. "Leave it on," he says, then starts undoing the shirt buttons underneath. Dan's cock is left feeling more neglected than ever.

"Oh my _god_ ," Josh breathes, followed by "Dan, be a gentleman and get his shirt off for me."

Dan quickly obeys, fingers flying over the buttons and _good god, that's a lot of ink._

"You like it, daddy?" Oli asks against the side of his neck, scraping his teeth over Dan's pulse point.

"He wasn't kidding about that," Josh faintly remarks.

Dan slowly pushes Oli's shirt down over his slim shoulders, running his hands down the hard, flat plane of Oli's chest.

Don't get him wrong; he loves Josh's squishy bits as much as (and more than) the next guy, but the way Oli's slight, willowy build feels almost fragile under his ministrations only serves to remind him more that this _isn't_ his boyfriend - that it's some random, kinky stranger in the upstairs bathroom of a boring assignment and he has Josh's permission to do this.

"So fucking skinny," Dan finally mutters despite himself. "I could break you in half."

Oli gasps and shivers a little bit against him. "Fuck," he bites out, "Holy _fuck_ , that's hot. Jesus. Why the fuck are you still wearing pants?" He pushes Dan back against the wall beside the door and starts trying to undo his fly, then lets out a cute little frustrated growl and just yanks them down along with his underwear as he sinks to his knees.

"Oh-- Oh my god," Josh is mumbling into his ear, "Holy shit, holy fucking shit, oh my _god_ ," which Dan thinks is a little bit ridiculous because he's not even the one currently having his dick licked from base to tip, is he?

Dan's eyes fall closed as Oli's mouth finally closes around his cock and sucks, a rough moan dragging itself from his throat of its own accord. "Holy fucking hell."

Oli continues for a while, then finally pulls off for a second and continues jerking Dan off with his left hand - "You should pull my hair," he innocently suggests before resuming.

Dan obeys, tentatively reaching down to cup the back of Oli's head before grabbing a fistful of his fluffy brown hair, waiting for an encouraging hum that sends an electric current up his spine before tugging forwards. When he looks down, Oli's unspeakably long eyelashes are casting pretty little shadows on his cheeks as his head bobs, his breathing a faint tickle against Dan's stomach. By now, Josh's commentary has pretty much faded into white noise comprised of enough different swear words to write a chapter book.

"Oh, god," Dan exhales as Oli swallows around his dick, yanking his hair again, "Holy shit. You're-- ah-- so fucking hot, holy fuck."

His head lolls back against the wall, eyes flicking up to the mirror across the room and drinking in the sight; the way Oli's defined shoulder blades shift under the tattooed skin of his back, his own fingers looking pale where they're snarled into Oli's dark hair as his head bobs back and forth.  
Dan bemusedly gives another sharp, belated yank and is rewarded with a guttural moan around his dick and another from his earpiece.

"Fuck, daddy, just like that," Oli somewhat hoarsely mumbles, pulling off for a second and breathing heavily. His lips are slick and red with saliva and--

"Get up here," Dan gruffly instructs, helping pull Oli to his feet and tugging him into a rough kiss that tastes vaguely of himself (but definitely doesn't mean he finds it any less hot, or that he isn't currently filing this little tidbit of information away for later). "Fucking hell," he growls, simply for lack of absolutely anything better to say.

Oli's lips curve into a sharp smile against his own, and he huffs out a small breath of laughter - "What do you want, daddy?" he finally asks, voice quiet and sweet. "Want me to keep sucking your dick?" he continues, sliding one hand back down between them to grasp said aforementioned body part, "Or d'you want to fuck me? Maybe come on my face, leave a mark somewhere everyone would see?" he suggests matter-of-factly. "I'd let you fucking wreck me, if you wanted. You could hold me down and choke me 'til I turned blue and I'd still get off on it."

From the garbled sounds Josh is rapidly spewing into his ear, Dan is guessing that his advice is something along the lines of 'all of the above'.

"Jesus," Dan reverently whispers, reaching up to tug on another soft strand of Oli's hair and making his eyes flutter shut. "Such a fucking slut."

Oli swallows, Adam's apple bobbing as he opens his dark eyes to fix his gaze on Dan's - "Just for you, daddy."

_Oh, god._

Josh gives a long, drawn-out moan from the other end of his earpiece, followed by a light _thunk_ in the background.

"Turn around," Dan orders, mildly surprised by the sureness of his own voice. "Up against the sink."

Oli smirks and complies, smoothly pulling away and spinning on his heel to rest his palms flat on the sink counter, shoulders hunched; Dan finds himself following, sliding in behind Oli to smooth his hands down over Oli's narrow hips. "This is moving pretty fast, isn't it?" he murmurs.

"Not fast enough," Oli confidently replies. "There's a condom and a packet of lube in my left pants pocket, by the way. In case you're ever actually going to get around to touching me."

"You planned this?" Dan asks, nipping at the back of Oli's neck.

"You never know when the opportunity might strike," Oli snorts. "Hurry up."

"God, so fucking impatient," Dan mutters, pulling Oli's pants down and simultaneously fumbling to get the lube. He liberally coats his fingers, ignoring the way Oli is telling him to "stop fucking around and just do it already".

"Ready?" Dan asks.

Oli's eye-roll is audible. "Come on, go for it."

Dan pushes Oli forwards until he's slumped over the counter, his bare, tattooed ass in the air. Dan makes an animalistic grunt somewhere in the back of his throat and runs the tip of his index finger around Oli's entrance before pushing in.

Oli whines a little. "I can do two," he says, pushing backwards. Josh groans in Dan's earpiece, mumbling something incoherent.

Dan hesitantly obeys, inserting another digit and thrusting in and out. Oli hisses a little at the burn ("Don't stop, I like it"), and he's tight around Dan's fingers, so fucking tight.

Dan presses deeper, curling his fingers, and Oli stills and lets out a broken moan. He keeps going until Oli starts to mumble, "Oh my god, just like that, Ryan, Ryan--"

Dan grins to himself. He continues for a while longer, then adds a third finger, Oli's shaggy head hanging forwards as he grunts. "That's good," he breathes, "The stretch. It's good. You're gonna feel so fucking good, Ryan--" Dan twists his fingers, causing Oli to give a sharp inhale. "Just-- Fuck me already, Jesus. I can take it, Ryan, I'm so hard--"

Dan withdraws the digits and bends down to wipe his fingers on Oli's pants, then stands back up straight. He cups Oli's ass, squeezing, then unwraps the condom with his teeth. He slides it on, stroking his own cock a little, then proceeds to guide himself to Oli's entrance.

Oli makes a strange little sound when he makes contact. Dan looks up to see him biting his own arm as he slowly pushes in.

"Fuck," Oli chokes out, "Fuck."

"Want me to stop?" Dan asks, forcing himself to remain still.

"Fuck, no," Oli rejects, "Fucking go for it already, Christ."

Dan pushes all the way in, then pulls halfway out and back in again, going slowly even though the hot pressure around his cock begs for him to do otherwise.

"I'm not going to break," Oli eventually grits out, "Fuck me already. I like it hard."

That's enough permission for Dan, and his hips snap forwards almost of their own accord. "Is this okay?" he asks, and Oli nods vigorously. "Fuck, you're so tight," he growls.

Oli gives another cut-off moan, and Dan watches in the mirror as his eyes close and mouth falls open. He tightens his grip on Oli's hips.

"Touch me," Oli almost begs, and so Dan reaches forward to wrap one hand around his cock, stroking in time with his thrusts.

"You like that?" he asks.

Oli's brow creases. "Yes, Ryan, daddy, yes--"

"This is the hottest thing I've ever seen," Josh says in Dan's ear.

Dan smirks, leaning forward to quickly rest his forehead on Oli's tattooed back. "Glad you're enjoying the show, babe," he quietly pants.

"Are you talking to him? Your boyfriend?" Oli asks, half-lidded eyes on Dan's in the mirror.

"Yeah," Dan replies with a grin, "He thinks you're beautiful."

"Fuck," Oli gasps, bowing his head. "God, that's hot."

Dan brushes his thumb over the slit of Oli's cock, slick with precome, making him twitch and tighten up around Dan. "Oh, god."

Josh groans. "Keep jacking him," he says, his voice breathy, "Jesus, you two."

"I'm gonna come," Dan warns, thrusting faster, roughly stroking Oli's cock.

"Me too, me too, oh, fuck, Ryan--"

Josh gives a loud, guttural moan in Dan's ear, and Dan grins triumphantly because, "I just made my boyfriend come long-distance."

"Shut up," Josh weakly retorts.

"Ryan, I'm gonna," Oli warns, then he cries out, shaking and coming into Dan's fist, clenching around Dan's cock and pulling him over the edge.

Dan strokes Oli through his orgasm. His thrusts slow down and he finally pulls out, making Oli give a soft whimper as his muscles tense around nothing.

Oli turns around and watches Dan tie off the condom and toss it into the rubbish bin, pulling up his pants and tenderly leaning against the counter. His cheeks are flushed.

Dan zips himself up and shoots Oli a satisfied grin. "That," he says, breaking the silence, "was hot."

Oli grins. "Cheers."

The two of them head back down to the party together a minute or two later, Dan's hand on the small of Oli's back as they descend the stairs.

They're immediately greeted by a distressed-looking Mrs. Samson. "We've been looking all over for you," she snaps at Oli, "Where on earth have you been?"

Dan quickly removes his hand and tries to look as professional as possible.

"Officer Andrews was showing me around," Oli boredly replies.

Mrs. Samson eyes him up and down, taking in his flushed cheeks and rumpled shirt. Her eyes narrow. "You're going to come with me and behave yourself," she announces, angrily taking him by the wrist and leading him away.

Dan watches him go, grinning and waving when Oli turns around to shoot him an apologetic glance.

"Mission complete," he tells Josh.

 

+

**Author's Note:**

> i... don't even know how the daddy kink got involved here guys. anyways, im going to hell.  
> kudos are awesome n please let me know what you thought!


End file.
